Report: Raptors and Drake Abruptly Part Ways

In an astoundingly sudden development,  reports from multiple sources indicate that Aubrey “Drake” Graham has renounced his role as “Global Ambassador” with the Toronto Raptors. This news comes fresh off last week’s botched rollout of the highly anticipated Raptors/October’s Very Own/Mitchell and Ness clothing collaboration.  While appealing to a wide segment with its fusion of retro and modern style,  the merchandise came at a steep price. This is a reasonable claim, given that a black hoody with dual Raptor and OVO “Owl” emblems was priced at $159.99 CAD before tax.

Drake is undoubtedly known for his lavish lifestyle and expensive taste.  Unfortunately for the Toronto native,  his fans appear unwilling to emulate his tendencies of consumption.  In fact,  the split between parties may be attributed to the public uproar over the clothing line.  Rather than simply boycott the line,  Raptor fans were quick to blame Drake himself for its inaccessibility and accused the rapper of crippling the franchise:

“Look,  I love Drake.  But $65 for a hat? It’s almost insulting. He thinks his fans are mindless enough to buy every single thing he touches.”

“I never liked this guy. From the moment he sat in that ugly blue suit alongside the legendary Rob Ford at the All-Star presser til now. It’s not like I was ever gonna buy this garbage, but thank God he’s gone”

“$160 for a hoodie? No thanks. That’s like three hotdogs, two pizza slices and a beer from the Air Canada Centre!”

“If we were dealing with Kanye West this wouldn’t be a problem for me. Whether it’s $350 shoes or a $100 plain white tee, everything that man drops is historical.  But Mr. Emotional Middle Class Bandwagoner? The Raptors don’t need him around. Go back to Degrassi.”

When Raptors coach Dwane Casey was asked to comment, he said: “Can he play center? If not, I don’t care.”

Amir Johnson, a big Drake fan, was naturally disappointed. “That’s my dude, man. But this was a business decision, meant for business people. What saddens me most is that I didn’t get a shout-out in any tracks, however ******* Lou Williams did. Damn.” 

Members of Maple Leafs Sports and Entertainment could not be reached for immediate comment. Sources indicate that it was not MLSE’s decision to fire Drake.  Instead,  the polarizing ambassador took full responsibility for the backlash and left on his own accord.  He left a brief statement for Raptor fans which details his decision and apparent regrets (read below).  Keep in mind that this is a developing story,  so stay tuned for further updates.

To Raptor fans everywhere,

I’m sorry.  I just wanted to make you proud. When my time with this incredible franchise began just a year and a half ago, I didn’t know what to expect.  The ride has been short, but absolutely unforgettable.  I can always say that the city is mine.  But over the last two seasons,  we shared it together.  I chose to leave the Raps myself.  The OVOxRaps clothing 100% aligned with my expectations and I hoped that you, the fans, would share my sentiment.  Unfortunately,  I failed to realize the eventual clash between your undying support and the difficult means to attain our merchandise.  I always felt that I was doing it wrong.  So I’m parting ways with the Raptors with valuable corporate experience and friendships that will last forever.  Thank-you Tim, Masai and the entire organization.  People always dismiss Toronto’s love of basketball.  They claim we’re a hockey town and nothing more.  But we rocked that square.  We shut it down in the playoffs.  Your energy is second to none.  Just know that this isn’t the end of the road for me and the Raps.  I’ll drop by for practice to see the guys go through the motions. I’ll always preach their integrity and determination.  This squad is destined to be successful.  I know it.  My role as global ambassador is officially over. Don’t miss me too much.   Just think of me as you used to: a kid from Toronto making headlines.  Oh,  and one more thing.  

If you’re reading this, it’s April 1st.